Meeting People Where They Are: The Part We Forget to Talk About

People love to say, “Meet people where they are.”

It sounds compassionate. It sounds understanding.

But most of the time, people don’t actually mean it.

Because to truly meet someone where they are, you have to understand what their actual life looks like, not what you assume it looks like, not what you think it should look like, and not what you believe you would do in their situation.

For years, “where I was” looked like this:

I was a stay-at-home mom living on one income. No outside support. No safety net. I was raising small children, trying to give them a fighting chance in a world that felt more expensive by the day. Every decision was made in survival mode. Every dollar had a job before it even hit my hand.

And when you’re living like that, there are certain dreams and goals you simply cannot entertain.

Not because you’re not ambitious, but because dreaming requires oxygen you don’t have.

People say things like:
• “Just start eating healthier.”
• “Just invest in yourself.”
• “Just apply to better jobs.”
• “Just go back to school.”

But when your entire world is structured around getting through the day, anything that requires extra effort feels impossible. It’s not a lack of desire; it’s a lack of margin.

Leveraging What I Had

Eventually, I realized that if I wanted something different, I had to leverage what little I did have, my time, and the small amount of money I could scrape together. That’s how I ended up going to college as an adult wife, mother, and woman trying to climb out of survival mode.

College opened doors for me: new ideas, new resources, new ways of thinking I couldn’t access before.

But let’s be honest, I was still in survival mode. Tuition wasn’t free. Time wasn’t free. Sacrifice was still the currency.

Graduating from college didn’t magically change that either.

Bills remained. Kids needed stability. And finding a job that fits your skills, pays enough, and provides a future is often a years-long process, not a clean, immediate transition.

But with each step, my dreams stretched a little further. My perspective widened. My future started to feel less theoretical and more possible.

I wanted a master’s degree right after finishing my bachelor’s, but I couldn’t risk my kids’ stability for my academic aspirations. That’s the unspoken truth about survival mode: even when you want more, even when you’re capable of more, you still have to choose safety over possibility.

Survival Mode Shapes How You Eat

People don’t talk enough about what survival mode does to your relationship with food.

When I was deep in it, I couldn’t think about dieting. I couldn’t think about “eating clean,” or “organic groceries,” or “macros.”

I was thinking about being full, about having the strength to care for my kids, go to school, keep the house running, and manage all the invisible labor that comes with being a mother.

Healthy food is expensive.
Cheap food fills you up.

Survival mode chooses “full.”
Survival mode chooses “whatever keeps me going.”
Survival mode chooses “what I can afford right now.”

When I finally got a job that felt stable, when we moved to a safer area with more space and more peace, when my footing got more secure, only then did I have the capacity to even notice what I was eating.

That shift didn’t happen overnight.

There is no magical switch that flips you from “surviving” to “living.”

And even when you think you’re stable, the trauma of survival mode follows you. It whispers reminders:
“Don’t fall back.”
“Don’t lose what you’ve built.”
“Don’t risk your kids’ security.”

It takes time to unlearn that.

From Surviving → Living → Thriving

Eventually, the ground under me got stronger.

I had:
• a stable job
• reliable transportation
• a home where my kids felt safe
• enough money to cover my needs and a few of my wants
• a little bit of savings, not wealth, but breathing room

That breathing room changed everything.

I could think ahead.
I could plan.
I could hope.
I could choose instead of just reacting.

Fast forward years later: I’m on a wellness journey. I’m spending a couple of hundred dollars a month on medication that supports my health. I’m buying food that is more nutritious, more intentional, and yes, more expensive.

I’m investing in wellness in ways that my past self simply could not.

Not because I was lazy. Not because I didn’t care. But because my reality back then didn’t allow for it.

This Is What “Meeting People Where They Are” Means

It means understanding that you cannot expect someone in survival mode to behave like someone with stability.

It means recognizing that the gap between “I want to” and “I can” is often shaped by access, resources, and bandwidth, not willpower.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs says it clearly: you cannot focus on growth when your basic needs aren’t secure.

When all I wanted was to feed my family, I wasn’t thinking about organic groceries.
When I was fighting to stay afloat, I wasn’t thinking about wellness routines.
When I was choosing between bills, I wasn’t thinking about future goals.

Meeting people where they are means seeing the truth of their circumstances, not the version that feels comfortable to you.

It means asking:
• What are they worried about today?
• What do they have access to right now?
• What does “better” realistically look like?

Because “meeting people where they are” isn’t a slogan.
It’s a practice.